To tell the honest truth 2010 sucked. Looking back there were way too many terrible things my loved ones and I had to endure.Without going into detail of how absolutely terrible this year has been, I urge you readers to take that proverbial step on that figurative road called our future with a positive outlook.
To start out 2011, please make that new years goal. Do not make it quickly without thought. Really think of something you want in life (not a coach bag or those high red patent leather pumps at Aldo for $700) but something that allows you to become a better you and grow from the inside out. The second part to this is: DO IT. Work towards it. What is stopping you from doing what you truly want in life? So take those New Year Goals and cash them in!
I implore you to learn something new this year. Whether it be one amazing thing that changes your views of the world or many little nuggets of general knowledge that make you a pro at trivia night; learn as much as you can.
Next, pick your battles. When you have obstacles in life look at the big picture, it'll help you decide how to over come them. For example, when you are arguing with a loved one about something small, whats the big picture? do you want to argue with that person or just be happy with them. Don't sweat the small stuff, enjoy being happy when you can, in every way that you can.
In the next year be sure to think of others. Think of who they are and how they feel. When you think of others and do something for someone else, even the smallest gesture or smile can brighten someones day. Think of a time when someone else did something small for you and made your day a bit brighter; do that for others.
Lastly, have fun. Enjoy yourself, spoil yourself, take time to give yourself the kind of pleasures you deserve.
One day this will all be over, and when you look back on your life and the things you have accomplished, will you be proud? Would you want your children (if not children, your dearest loved one) to live the life you have lead? That is the one thing I promise to myself; that I am proud and happy with my life in the past, present, and the most important the future.
good bye 2010!
goodnight world*
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
UNSURE
| “My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there” | |
To be unsure of something is to be doubtful, uncertain, ambiguous or unaware. When you think about it, it seems that it is impossible for one to physically be all of those things at once.
When you are unaware or uncertain of something, it seems irrational to doubt it, yet it seems like to be ambiguous is choosing to be ignorant about something intentionally, which isn't being unsure about it at all.
Regardless of what the dictionary says these words have begun to take over my life.
Today is day 80 of living back with my parents. Which is almost 3 whole months. To be completely honest its a lot like Chinese water torture. (I know that sounds harsh, but just hear me out) For those of you who may be UNSURE of what Chinese water torture is... let me explain. Chinese water torture is a method of torture that starts off with a drop of water in one single spot on your body, followed by another in the same exact spot, and another, and another, and another consistently continuing at a moderate pace until the buildup of pain is excruciating enough to drive the victim crazy.
What I'm getting at is, that the smallest issues that hardly bothered me in the beginning have consistently continued at a moderate pace until the buildup of pain is excruciating enough to drive the victim crazy!! *deep breath* ehhem.... I mean... I'm beginning to become more annoyed as these little issues continue.
Our house is very small and pretty cluttered. This fact leads to ISSUE #1: No privacy and No personal space.
This issue leads to not being able to have friends over, have any personal time, have my own personal things, or a number of things any functioning adult should have the right to. My parents don't even have their own computer so they use my laptop. The day I moved home was the day all MY stuff became my parents stuff. My mother will raid my room at any given moment. Sometimes she'll come in at 9 am after i had been out the night before on my one day to sleep in and search every corner of my room, making loud noises and actually talking to me as if i had been awake for hours, just to take my stuff and claim it as her own. She has also had her friend over and when they choose to go out later in the night, while I wasn't home, she had her friend change and try on all my clothing until she found something that fit to wear out.
These are just a few examples of Issue #1.
ISSUE #2 Being treated like a child. Not just having chores, or my parents worrying about me when I go out, but the big issue is that the way they treat me/speak to me and dismiss the things I have to say makes me feel as if my opinions as an adult, or the knowledge that I have gained in my 24 1/2 years on this earth, are not valid, or worse don't even matter.
ISSUE #3 More drama. I don't deal with just drama in my life anymore (which there is very little) but my mother's drama is ALL I hear about. I hear her loudly discussing this drama on the phone to her friends at the early hours of the morn as I attempt to sleep in, then she insists on recapping the whole drama to me as if to try to get me involved. Yet, when I attempt to give my opinion/advice on the whole situation PLEASE REFER TO ISSUE #2.
Before I get too involved in making this entry a true vent fest I must remember why I began this entry in the first place. So I will settle for those few examples and just hope you get the picture of my current situation. if you'd like me to give more examples for sheer entertainment purposes, just ask, I have many small anecdotes to share.
To be UNSURE:
Original plan: Grad school to get my phd in art history. No questions... that was the plan. And I was prepared to do whatever it took to achieve that goal. Now, I'm not saying that its not the plan anymore, but now there are options and questions and DOUBTING.
Current options: (may sound familiar, I've stated them in my first entry I believe)
-Original plan
-Peace Corps
-Buff state for a degree in Interior Design and minor in French
What I'm currently UNSURE of is what my next move is. I'm afraid that if I choose to make a move, but do not have a valid reason behind making the move yet, I won't do well at what ever I choose to do because of the lack of rational and passion and it will end up being a waste of time instead of a positive direction in my future.
The older I get the more UNSURE I become about more and more issues. I suppose thats what happens when our knowledge of the world expands.
Jacques Lacan developed a psychoanalytic theory called the mirror stage. The mirror stage is a stage in an infants development, about 6-18 months, where they are capable of recognizing their mirror identity. Before this age they cannot separate themselves from "the other" (typically their mother) and are completely dependent for their one goal: survival. They realize that they are their own separate entity at this point. (to learn more go to: http://www.iep.utm.edu/lacweb/#SH2a)
I state this, because I believe that this is the stage in our development where we begin to form our own opinions and ideals about our own wellbeing; it's not just about survival anymore it becomes more complex, surviving to the highest potential, may be a good way of explaining it. From then on we take the information as it comes bit by bit and form our own knowledge of them step by step, slowly at first, and as we grow and develop it becomes more and more complex. We begin to take in information at a bulk rate instead of piece by piece.
With every piece of knowledge we gain we become more UNSURE and UNCERTAIN. There is more to contemplate and worry about with more opportunities and more potential for success.
After that large rant I'd like to make a few things clear. I LOVE my mother and I am VERY grateful that I have the option of living back at home at the age of 24. Also, I am very aware that I have time to think about my next move.
When I write Its more to help myself organize my thoughts and get others thinking about their own current life situations. Also, I take the entries I write as a vehicle to gain more knowledge about a certain topic, thats why i usually add a quote, definition, or information about a number of random topics. I hope this helps me, and whom ever chooses to read, figure things out and become less UNSURE about the world and the future.
Guess thats it... I'm exhausted. goodnight world*
kro*
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