Once upon a time there was an average small town girl...
When we are young we grow up watching the classic Disney movies. Girl meets prince, they fall in love and they live happily ever after. I know this is something that is commonly discussed but lately I've been thinking about it quite a lot.
I have been single for about 5years now, and during those 5 years I have had quite a few experiences where I had felt betrayed, used, and mis treated by a guy who I had hopes of starting a relationship with. What I realize now is that I am a dreamer, and things do not work out like they do for Disney princesses; which I had always known, but chose to ignore that small tidbit of knowledge because I was caught up in some guy.
I think I had gotten so used to being disposable that I had forgotten what it is supposed to be like. Currently, I have rekindled a high school fling, and I had all of a sudden become infatuated with this guy again. He's super sweet and he seems to really like me, I hope. His actions, showing how he feels about me, has reminded me of what its like to be truly attracted to someone, and what a relationship is "supposed" to be like. This is how I should be treated, how I deserve to be treated and this is the kind of guy I should be putting my effort toward.
About two or three years ago I read the book "He's Just Not That Into You", that book should be the bible for all of heterosexual womankind. Its hard to read it and believe that its just that simple and, for lack of a better term, cut throat as it sounds. But, when you have a guy treat you the way you should be treated because he is actually really into you, it makes you stop and wonder why you had put soo much effort in the Assholes you'd given time to in the past.
I currently told this guy that i wanted to take it slow, because I didn't want to rush into anything because I was afraid I would get caught up and freak out and ruin it. I have never been in an adult relationship, and I have been single for five years, and at 24 years old I want to do it the right way, if there is a "right way" to do it. Right now, though, Im not sure I want to take it slow. There isn't that awkward, get comfortable stage, because we were really good friends (with benefits at times) in high school. Although, there is some getting to know one another again because it has been a long time, and each of us has done a lot of growing. This is another part of my growing up stage. It makes sense to go slow and not rush, but I really want to be proud and call him my boyfriend and start our relationship together and get rid of my run-ins with shitty guys and put my effort into him because he deserves it too.
All signs point to me giving up the exploration and being happy with the find, but I guess Im just scared that the find isn't the big one, and I don't want to be let down again. Last time I was let down by a guy I liked, whom I thought liked me as well, my friend said to me as he saw that I was upset, "Oh Kaitlin, the girl who couldn't be loved." It made me really realize that I really have been let down so easily, and I let it happen by being soo trusting.
....and eventually she lived happily ever after.... hopefully.
Goodnight dreamers*
Kro
No comments:
Post a Comment