Along with the typical apology for not posting more often, I would like to make the statement that my 27th Birthday is coming up.
SOOOO... Sorry for not posting more often. I find that I only post when I feel anxious or upset, but I realize and admit to myself that these anxieties are trivial in the grand scheme of things, and the boyfriend would just scoff at the mention that they are bothering me and tell me I'm thinking too much or making a big deal out of nothing. I also only write when I feel I can sound intellectual and witty about it (so at least it's entertaining... kinda).
That being said.... MY BIRTHDAY.... is in 11 days. I have not really mentioned anything about my birthday to anyone... at least compared to previous years. If it were like previous years.... I would have declared it my birthday month and posted on facebook about it preparing my friends that the special day is coming. I would also attempt to plan my own birthday party and persuade anyone and everyone to be there. I would do all this every year (for at least for the past 7 years) knowing in the back of my mind that most...if not all... of my "friends" would bail, make an excuse, or just not show. I just want to have a good time with the people I consider my friends... the most fun people in the world.
On the flip side.... whenever it is one of my friend's birthdays.... I have made sure to go out of my way to call them at midnight, send a card, gift, bake, and/or go see them, and if they invite me to a party or to go out.... I go. I think Birthdays are special, and I want my friends to feel special. I just wish they felt the same for me.
I do have to say there are couple people in particular hat make an effort to make me feel special like my boyfriend, and his family, and my best friend who lives far away now. So my birthday isn't a complete bust.
Even my family finds a way to mildly trivialize my birthday, and makes me feel awful that my boyfriend's family makes me feel more special than my own family does. (Which is awful to say.... and I know my family loves me)
I thought to myself today, "Self ...(because that's what I call myself)...what if I continued to not mention it, and take my birthday off Facebook... who would remember? (I mean I have all of my friend's birthdays on my calendar with an alarm) but then I just thought that would be petty and just make me feel bad. Also, it does give me a little bit of joy when all the people I don't expect to say Happy Birthday actually do.
I am being silly I know. But after a few years where I haven't been made feel special on my birthday (besides for my boyfriend) I think I deserve a night where someone takes me out and buys all my drinks and I get some great memories... I really don't even want gifts, just the company of the people I call friends. I just want to have fun on my birthday.
I wonder if this is just what happens when you're in your 20s. All of a sudden reality smacks you in your face and adulthood does not include special days. Am I the only one who has bad luck on their birthday? I wish it didn't have to be that way.
I think I've just gotten tired of planning my own party that no one goes to, and this year I will spend it at home, drinking my favorite wine, and watching TV while posting on Pinterest for the wedding, house and teaching job I don't have... that is, if I don't have to work.
I'm closer to 30 than to 20... I guess here's hoping someone throws me a surprise party...lol
Sorry for whining, but I needed to be a silent crybaby for a little bit and vent.
SO negtive tonight....bah-hum-bug I know.
next one will be happy... I promise.
<3 k
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